Sexual assault | Consent

In this fact sheet you will find detailed information about sexual consent, including help and advice, which may include descriptions and words you find triggering. 

If you would prefer to skip to further help and support click here. 

What is consent? 

Consent means that you have chosen to give permission and have capacity to make an informed decision around the type of intimacy or sex that you want. Sexual consent can be verbal or non-verbal to indicate “yes”. People who are asleep, unconscious or “out of it” on drugs or alcohol, cannot give consent because they do not have the capacity to do so.  

When we are pressured, physically forced, threatened by blackmail (financial or otherwise), shamed or made to feel guilty, into sexual activity without consent, it’s considered either rape or sexual assault. Sexual consent and understanding boundaries can be a big issue within the LGBTQ+ community, and this issue can occur in LGBTQ+ spaces, queer friendly spaces and/or places where there is sex on the premises (saunas, sex bars, dark rooms, sex clubs and sex parties) and cruising areas and also on public transport and other venues. 

Sexual Consent is about all adults and all genders (including sex workers) who freely choose to take part in intimate or sexual activity, without threat or coercion, and having the capacity to make an informed choice. This applies to everyone in relationships too.  

REMEMBER: Consent can be withdrawn at ANY time. Saying “Yes” is not a one-time thing – you can change your mind. 

Here is a simple video that explains consent:

Are there different types of consent? 

Consent is the same for all genders and sexualities - if you want to do something sexual with someone, then both of you must agree. This doesn’t just apply to overt sex, it can also apply to unwanted:

• touching
• kissing
• groping  
• or any unwanted intimate contact and attention.  

This also includes unwanted:

• anal sex
• vaginal sex
• oral sex
• masturbation of yourself or someone else
• touching someone’s genitals or body in a sexual way
• sexual touching on top of clothes
• foreplay and kissing.  

Where does consent apply? 

Consent applies everywhere including bars and clubs, queer friendly spaces and/or places where there is sex on the premises (saunas, sex bars, dark rooms, sex clubs and sex parties) and cruising areas and also on public transport and other venues. 

Consent also applies in the digital world, including dating and hook-up apps and sites and also social media, where unwanted photos, videos or explicit messages are sent or distributed without consent. This can also include ‘catfishing’, where someone uses images that aren’t their own pretending to be someone else.  

How can lack of consent impact our mental wellbeing? 

When consent is NOT given, this can this impact our sexual and mental wellbeing. This can impact us in different ways. 

• Shame – We can sometimes blame ourselves for things that our out of our control. It can bring feelings of shame and regret, and we may internalise something that was NOT our fault.   

• Lack of agency – It can make us feel like we have no control over our own body and our own sex lives. It can bring on a feeling of powerlessness and anxiety. 

• Self-esteem – It can be detrimental to our self-esteem and self-worth. We can feel devalued and disrespected when consent is not given for sexual contact of any kind.  This could lead our mental health and wellbeing poorly affected. 

• Trauma – When we are violated in this way, however extreme, it can impact us in the long-term. These feelings can stay with you for a long time and can even affect future relationships and interactions and ultimately your sexual & mental health and wellbeing. 

• Trust – It can impact our ability to trust fully. When someone has violated the boundaries you have in place, it can make it very hard to trust people going forward.  This can affect family, friends and work relationships. 

When consent is observed and respected, it can make us feel good and better about ourselves. Healthy sexual consent can: 

• Empower us – Having a sense of agency over our own body will build confidence and build better relationships and have the intimacy and sex we desire and deserve. 

• Be in control – of our own sex life and having your boundaries respected will allow us to establish better relationships and have better sex and intimacy. 

• Reduce anxiety – When we don’t have to worry that our sexual partners aren’t going to respect your limits or boundaries, it can make us less anxious when it comes to sex and intimacy. 

How can we set boundaries?  

• Set personal boundaries for yourself – be very clear what your limits are. Check in to see if these boundaries are understood with the other person. Don’t do anything you are not comfortable with, and remember that consent can be withdrawn at ANY time. Saying “yes” is not a one-time thing – you can change your mind. If you’re doing something and you don’t like it, then you can say “no” and ask them to stop. We should not be harassed or shamed because we have changed our mind. 

• Communicate limits – Explain what your limits are and if those limits are violated, tell them no and tell them to stop.   

• Walk away from situations – don’t be afraid to stop things that don’t feel right, or you haven’t given consent for. If your self-esteem is low, sometimes it may feel easier just to go along with something, but it’s your body and you get to choose what you do with it. Having choice and knowing your rights is empowering and builds confidence and resilience through awareness of your rights. 

• Report – If you have communicated your limits and you have said no and the person(s) continue without your consent, then this is sexual assault. Sexual assault is a crime and can be reported to the police. There are organisations set up for LGBTQ+ people that can help you in situations such as these (see below). 

• Sexual Health – if you have raped by penetration i.e. anal, vaginal, oral then do consider PEP. PEP is an anti-HIV medication that needs to be taken within 72 hours (3 days). Go straight to your nearest sexual health clinic or hospital Accident and Emergency department.  

Consent and the law 

The law states that consenting to sex has to be given freely. This means no one should be made to have sex. If someone feels frightened, threatened or intimidated, then they cannot freely consent. Often someone’s response to threat and sexual violence is to ‘freeze’. Just because someone has ‘frozen’ does not mean they are consenting. You can’t assume someone is consenting – you must make sure. 

The law also says that people need capacity to consent. This means that people must be awake and in a state where they can make an informed decision for themselves. If someone is asleep or has had too much to drink or taken drugs to the extent that they can no longer make choices, then they cannot consent. If someone has learning difficulties, they might not be able to consent either – it depends on their understanding of what is happening. 

All of this means that everyone has the responsibility to make sure that the person they want to have sex with is really consenting and is making this choice without any pressure or fear.  

Further help and support and how to report an assault is below. 

Galop has a complete resource around consenting to sex and the law.

Help and support  

Galop is the UK’s premiere LGBTQ+ anti-violence charity and runs the National LGBTQ+ Domestic Abuse Helpline (0800 999 5428). It provides expert advice and advocacy for queer people experiencing abuse and can assist you with advice on your rights, emotional support, emergency help, information on housing options, and referrals to local LGBTQ+ services.  

How to report a rape or sexual assault to the Police.

For help and advice around consent and abuse, visit the Abuse and Hate Crime section of our website.