Campaigns and Hubs Sexual assault and consent Sexual assault and consent in the LGBTQ+ community | survey results In this article you will find information about sexual assault, including real and sometimes detailed stories from survivors. You may find some of what you read triggering. If you would prefer to skip to further help and support click here. Who took part? | Overview | Trans data | Consent | Mental health | Reporting | Next steps | Help and support LGBT HERO consulted over 600 LGBTQ+ people to ask about their experiences of sexual assault and consent. The results of the survey revealed some alarming statistics about the rates of sexual assaults experienced by LGBTQ+ people, our relationship with consent and the safety of some in our community. What you are about to read will also include real stories from survivors. Some of the names have been changed or anonymised, but the stories are real. Please bear this in mind before continuing. At the end of this article, you will find links to further help and support. WHO TOOK PART IN THE SURVEY? Before we take a look at some of the shocking and impactful statistics outlined by the survey, let’s found out who actually took part. WE ASKED: What age bracket do you fall under? 17 and under - 8% 18-24 - 29% 25-34 - 28% 35-44 - 15% 45-54 - 11% 55-64 - 7% 65 and over - 2% What is your gender? Woman - including trans woman – 18% Man - including trans man – 54% Non-binary – 19% Gender fluid – 3% Prefer not to say – 1% Other – 5% Was this the gender you were assigned at birth? Yes – 54% No – 43% Not sure/don’t want to say – 3% What is your sexual identity? Lesbian – 11% Gay – 40% Bisexual – 18% Asexual – 4% Pansexual – 6% Queer – 15% Questioning – 2% Other – 4% What is your ethnic background? Black (any background) – 3% South Asian (any background) – 5% East Asian (any background) – 1% South East Asian (any background) – 1% White British and Irish – 73% White - any other background – 10% Latin American (any background) – 2% Arab - Middle Eastern (any background & mixed) – 1% Mixed: Black any background - 2% Mixed: White & Asian any background – 2% Mixed: Any other mixed background – 1% Where are you based in the UK? London – 22% South East England -13% South West England – 7% Midlands – 15% North East England – 10% North West England – 13% Wales – 4% Scotland – 10% Northern Ireland – 2% Republic of Ireland – 1% Outside of the UK -3% SEXUAL ASSAULT AND THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY – AN OVERVIEW Sexual assault is when someone touches a person in a sexual way without consent or when a person forces or coerces someone to touch them in a sexual way without consent. The term 'sexual assault' is generally used to refer to any form of sexual violence or abuse. Unwanted sexual contact also includes: Kissing Touching Groping or any unwanted intimate contact and attention. If you have not given consent and agreed to the sexual activity, then you have experienced sexual assault. This is not your fault. What follows is an overview from our survey of the LGBTQ+ experience of sexual assault. WE ASKED: Have you experienced sexual assault, violence and/or abuse? Yes – 76% No – 16% I'm not sure – 8% What kind of sexual assault, violence and/or abuse have you experienced? (select all that apply) Penetrative sexual assault – 41% Non-penetrative sexual assault – 45% Rape – 37% Unwanted touching/groping – 80% Sexual harassment – 51% Online sexual assault (including image-based) – 34% Attempted sexual assault – 25% Sexual boundaries disregarded or ignored – 68% Grooming – 34% Indecent images – 30% Revenge porn – 6% Voyeurism – 8% Stalking – 22% Other – 8% Where did the experience(s) take place? (select all that apply) Your home – 46% Perpetrator's home – 44% Friend's home – 17% Partner's home – 12% Family home – 13% LGBTQ+ club or bar – 21% Non-LGBTQ+ club or bar – 22% Sex on premises venue (e.g. sauna) – 7% LGBTQ+ venue (that isn't a club, bar, sauna etc) – 2% Chill out or sex party – 5% Workplace – 11% School, college or university – 25% Park or woods – 18% Public bathroom – 9% Public transport – 12% Gym or fitness setting – 2% In a public setting – 29% Online/social media – 33% Dating/sex app – 14% Other – 10% Who was the perpetrator/perpetrators? (select all that apply) Partner – 20% Ex-partner – 19% Someone I was dating – 18% Someone I was on a date with – 7% Someone I met on a dating/sex app – 15% Someone I just met – 20% Friend - 31% A stranger – 44% Colleague – 6% Manager/superior at work – 4% Teacher – 4% Student at school/college/university – 16% Housemate/flatmate – 3% Acquaintance (this could include a friend of a friend) – 22% Someone online/via social media – 23% Family member – 10% Family friend – 8% Other – 8% Did you tell anyone what happened? Yes – 74% No – 26% Who did you tell? (select all that apply) I reported it to the police – 19% I called a helpline – 11% I spoke to a support group – 5% I spoke to an online support group – 3% I told a therapist/counsellor – 33% I told a family member – 29% I told a friend/friends – 65% I told my partner – 27% I told my housemate/flatmate – 9% I told someone online/social media – 11% I told a colleague – 6% I told a manager/superior at work – 6% I told someone in authority – 6% I told a teacher/lecturer/someone at my place of education – 7% I told a wellbeing officer – 4% Other – 9% We will attempt to drill down further into some of these statistics as we continue and explore how our community is being impacted and what we cand do to address and improve it. BEING TRANS AND SEXUAL ASSAULT 43% of people who filled out our survey identified as trans and 84% of those respondents told us that they have experienced sexual assault, violence and/or abuse. With numbers of both penetrative and non-penetrative assault, including unwanted touching and groping, being higher than some of the rest of the community. WE ASKED: What kind of sexual assault, violence and/or abuse have you experienced? (select all that apply) Penetrative sexual assault – 42% Non-penetrative sexual assault – 54% Rape – 40% Unwanted touching/groping – 81% Sexual harassment – 59% Online sexual assault (including image-based) – 39% Attempted sexual assault – 29% Sexual boundaries disregarded or ignored – 75% Grooming – 41% Indecent images – 34% Revenge porn – 7% Voyeurism – 10% Stalking – 19% Other – 9% What was the relationship to the perpetrator/perpetrators? (select all that apply) Partner – 24% Ex-partner – 22% Someone I was dating – 26% Someone I was on a date with – 5% Someone I met on a dating/sex app – 18% Someone I just met – 19% Friend – 39% A stranger – 44% Colleague – 4% Manager/superior at work – 4% Teacher – 3% Student at school/college/university – 19% Housemate/flatmate – 4% Acquaintance (this could include a friend of a friend etc) – 26% Someone online/via social media – 29% Family member – 12% Family friend – 9% Other – 5% What was the orientation of the perpetrator/perpetrators? (select all that apply) Heterosexual – 52% Gay – 21% Lesbian – 11% Bisexual – 35% Queer – 11% Pansexual – 5% Not known – 40% Other – 2% “As so many people that are AFAB, I’ve been groped, both breasts and buttocks, yelled at, threatened and had my genitals touched without my consent by men to the point I very strongly avoided being around them. Strangers, family friends, it didn’t seem to matter very much to them. However, the thing that gave me flashbacks was non-consensual sex with a girl who I trusted. I was sharing a bed with her because I was staying at her parents’ house and she touched and kissed me without my consent over and over again. It still affects me to this day, but I now work in sex education, trying to teach about consent and prevent it from happening to more people,” a respondent told us. Another said: “I have been groped and harassed multiple times including having my genitalia and private parts touched through my clothes. The assailant continued, even after I asked them to stop, which took place during a pride event. I have been coerced and pressured into sending indecent images, even when I didn't want to. On one occasion someone that I'd had a few dates with coerced and pressured me into having penetrative sex that I didn't want, with them saying they were going to do it throughout the night anyway.” “I have never experienced it from other queer people. I have only been assaulted by cis men. One was straight and one was bisexual but both cis men,” someone told us. “I'm a non-binary trans woman. Before I transitioned, my boyfriends were all abusive to me, including one giving me tablets and then raping me. I think being the more feminine person in the relationship and not having the same level of self-respect and confidence when I was young meant that my boundaries, or what I said, was generally ignored. Being a trans individual when out and about seems to imply to people that they are free to touch you. It's very invasive. I've also experienced being followed, being touched or rubbed against on public transport and just being made to feel uncomfortable by someone’s obvious interest,” stated another respondent. Trans people also experienced high rates of sexual assault and breaching of boundaries in bars, clubs and venues, with 54% telling us that they have been touched sexually or intimately without their permission. WE ASKED: where did the incident take place? (select all that apply) LGBTQ+ bar/club – 39% Non-LGBTQ+ bar/club – 61% Sauna - 7% Sex on premises venue – 6% Private party or event – 32% Other – 8% 27% of our trans respondents told us that they didn’t feel comfortable, were too scared or uncomfortable to say anything to the preparator. 72% told us that the perparator was a stranger. “A man kept trying to get my attention and wanted me to talk to him. I tried to ignore him. He persisted until I said asked him to stop talking to me,” an anonymous respondent told us. “He didn't stop and wanted me to interact with him more. I refused. He referred to me in some way, I can't remember specifically how, but I think as a girl. I told him I wasn't a girl but in fact a guy - I'm a transguy. He then reached out and stroked my chin. I moved away and told him to stop and quickly left the venue. It made me feel really gross and vulnerable, but also really dysphoric. I felt like I looked like a girl, sounded like a girl, my brain spiralled and I thought I'd never be perceived like a man. Although it was only a small interaction, it made me feel really horrible. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days.” “Frequently when kissing other women in clubs we get men either watching or asking if they can join, or attempting to join by touching us,” says another respondent. CONSENT AND SEXUAL ASSAULT IN LGBTQ+ VENUES Our LGBTQ+ venues are precious and a lifeline that can connect our community. Bars, clubs and other types of venues can provide us a safe space to come together, socialise, meet new people, connect with friends, date and even hook-up. However, our survey has highlighted a key problem in our spaces – lack of respect for boundaries and consent. 21% told us that they have been sexually assaulted in an LGBTQ+ venue. 61% of you told us that you have been touched sexually or intimately in a social setting such as a pub, bar, club or party, without permission. What does being touched sexually or intimately mean in this context? It includes being touched, kissed, grabbed or groped without consent. And being touched, kissed, grabbed or groped without consent is also called sexual assault. WE ASKED: where did the incident take place? (select all that apply) LGBTQ+ bar/club – 55% Non-LGBTQ+ bar/club – 49% Sauna – 16% Sex on premises venue – 14% Private party or event – 30% Other – 8% It’s important to note that even sex on premises venues such as sex clubs, saunas and sex parties, consent is not implied. Unwanted touching or any sexual contact is not OK without permission. “I used to go to kink events because it was my way of getting comfortable with sex again, explains a respondent. “I got felt up many a time without anybody asking my consent, and now that I look back, I'm actually violated that it happened, and the staff didn't care because they just accepted it as ‘gay behaviour’. It's really unacceptable.” “I like using saunas for sex. For most guys consent is misunderstood. Frequently a refusal does not make someone stop. If you are having sex with someone and you want to stop or they are disregarding boundaries and you say so, you are treated as the person in the wrong,” a respondent tells us. Another respondent told us: “A man decided to whack my bum with a hard slap as I was walking towards a dark room at a London gay club. I challenged him straight away and his response was well you are heading towards a dark room anyways. It felt low level at the time, but then a few days I felt triggered and was conscious of personal space.” WE ASKED: who were the perpetrator/perpetrators? (select all that apply) A stranger – 75% Someone I'd been talking to – 16% Someone I just met – 20% A date – 2% A hook-up – 5% A partner – 5% A friend – 13% Someone in my social group – 14% Someone I knew – 12% A colleague – 5% A manager/superior – 4% Someone who worked at the venue – 4% Other – 4% The majority of respondents highlighted that it was usually a stranger or someone they had just met who had breached boundaries. “I had been out and some people believed because you were in a gay pub or club you were public property,” an anonymous respondent said. “I was drunk in a gay bar and fell asleep in a corner. I woke up to find a man with his hands down my trousers. I managed to push him off me,” another respondent told us. “I was standing at the bar I felt a hand grab my crotch from behind by a total stranger. When challenged, he said he had mistaken me for someone else,” another respondent explains, “This is not an unusual occurrence. Again, in saunas I'm often touched without my consent even though I'm pretty clear I'm not interested.” However, sometimes a perpetrator can be someone we know or even a friend. “A friend came on to me when I had already told him that I had a boyfriend,” a respondent tell us, “While I was so drunk I could barely hold myself up, he forcefully kissed me, grabbed my ass, and tried to take off my shirt, as well as holding me so tightly I couldn't breathe and forcefully giving me a hickey.” “I was groped in a bar by someone I knew. I felt shocked and unsure of how to appropriately respond. I felt dehumanised and hurt,” another respondent said. “I actually only just remembered this because of this question - I'd completely put it out of my mind,” a respondent explains. “I went to a guy's birthday drinks in Bar Soho and when I got there he was already absolutely wasted. He kept coming over to me and stroking the front of my trousers, kneeling down and trying to undo the button and fly, and kissing me to stop me protesting. Bearing in mind I was still sober at the time and it was like 5pm, so many people present were still only having a single drink after work. I felt very uncomfortable and told him to stop repeatedly. He kept saying it was fine and he just wanted "a little smooch". His friends were just playing it off as something that he did and the fact he was very drunk, but I was clearly not ok. Eventually I bought him a birthday drink and left, saying goodbye and that I was leaving because I wasn't happy. I felt really violated and uncomfortable, and really isolated given that no one was doing anything to stop him - it seemed like I was the weird one for not being ok with it.” WE ASKED: Did you ever confront the perpetrator/perpetrators or ask them to stop? (select all that apply) Yes, directly – 38% Yes, discreetly or gently so as not to cause upset or offense – 29% Yes, I asked someone to support me in doing so – 7% No, I just moved away – 45% No, I was too upset to say anything – 17% No, I was too uncomfortable to say anything – 36% No, I was too scared to say anything – 24% No, it's what I expect – 13% No, because it didn't bother me – 6% Other – 10% An overwhelming majority of you said that you didn’t confront or address the perpetrator, with 30% saying that you were too uncomfortable or scared to do so. 13% believe it’s expected in venues. A respondent explains: “It often happens when people are drunk or high. Just because you are in a sauna or a fetish club, doesn’t mean anyone can touch you, that’s why I try to be respectful. Most times I let it go, I don’t care. Occasionally I feel a bit flattered if I’m attracted to this person, but most times I am not, so I just ignore it. However, sometimes I’m grossed out, especially if I’m really not attracted and this individual is persistent.” WE ASKED: Do you think the LGBTQ+ community has an issue with consent? Yes – 42% No – 16% I'm not sure – 42% “I think it’s because the dating pool is so much smaller than for straight people, there is a sort of pressure to sympathise with other queer people and oblige sexual advances just because they might happen more rarely,” says one respondent. “I think it's prevalent in all areas of society regardless of the sexuality or gender identities of either the victims or perpetrators,” believes another. “Although 99% of my perpetrators have been cishet men, I know a lot of people who have experienced similar things from queer men too. The problem seems to just be men whether they're LGBTQIA+ or not. Men all need a crash course in consent,” says one respondent. We also asked you what you believe can be done to improve education around consent and boundaries in the LGBTQ+ community. “I think when it comes to men, which is all I can personally speak to, we probably need to do more to make it obvious that men can also be victims of assault, particularly in 'grey areas'. Also, to make it obvious that not all men think entirely of sex and that hookup culture is not always the norm in the gay community,” a respondent explains. “Education should start in schools for straight and LGBTQ+ people. I think teenagers understand more now than I ever did,” says another. Another respondent concurs: “Start from a younger age, talk about consent in schools more for any sexuality or gender.” “I think there is so much better education and that I schools it is changing rapidly. My biggest worry is the older generation in power who assume this is all ‘woke’. They need an education of how youth is different to them and the older generation need to see how consent needs to be taught for all. The younger generation get it, their elders don’t,” outlines an anonymous respondent. MENTAL HEALTH AND THE IMPACT OF SEXUAL ASSAULT Sexual assault can have an emotional, psychological and physical impact on a survivor, both short and long-term. There are different ways it could affect us, and our survey highlighted it has a toll on our mental health. WE ASKED: Do you think your experience(s) of sexual assault negatively impacted your mental health? Yes – 85% No – 7% I’m not sure – 8% “It's definitely caused me to have PTSD and a fear of sex and intimacy,” one respondent explained. “I've been working hard and I'm currently trying my best to now live the life that I deserve and do what I can to overcome these fears. It just really ruined me as a person. It kind of destroyed my whole life but I'm managing to build a new life. A fresh start for me and therapy was the best thing I ever did.” “It made me nearly agoraphobic, and it made me hate my body and gave me trust issues with future partners. It also made my anxiety a lot worse than it already was,” another respondent told us. “It’s made me a lot more cautious about certain ways of having sex, and cautious of people I don’t know. Around the time of the most recent attempted assault, emotionally there was a period of a few days/weeks that I was very emotionally sensitive to anything in everyday life,” a respondent stated. An anonymous responder told us: “I was unable to have sex with anybody for a year after my abusive relationship due to the PTSD. I have trouble maintaining friendships because of my social anxiety that developed after the abuse. My relationship with my family became strained because they did not approve of my abusive partner and I distanced myself after refusing to listen to their concerns.” “It severely impacted my mental health,” a respondent confided. “I still get incredibly triggered by any kind of sexual advance because I can't trust myself to say no clearly if I don't want it, and I can't trust that the no will be respected. Even if I want to trust people, generally, my body is terrified and I often shut down, cry or freeze and take a few days to recover. The year directly after it happened was hellish because a lot of people close to me still believed his lie - thankfully they don't any more. I came close to suicide, struggled to keep working to pay rent but had to quit after a few months because I became physically ill from the stress and couldn't function at work. The isolation and financial struggle was the worst part of it, and it I still can't afford trauma therapy to work through a lot of what I still experience. Things have gotten better gradually. Being believed finally was a big step.” How else do you think your experience(s) negatively impacted your life? (select all that apply) Financially – 22% Romantic relationships – 72% Sexual relationships – 78% Family relationships – 35% Friendships – 52% Social life – 60% Online life – 29% Education – 31% Work – 30% Other – 5% “I lost a lot of friends over it because they didn't know how to react,” as respondent to the survey told us. “It ruined my education because of what I was going through I couldn't concentrate in college. It caused me to really struggle in relationships and during sexual activities. The last time I did anything I actually was crying because I was scared I was going to get hurt… it's awful. It also ruined a lot of my family life because most of my family didn't find out until later on and it just broke me that my family didn't support me but some of them did.” “It has limited what I do hugely. I took a chunk of time off work but then couldn’t cope when I went back even to another company and a safe setting’. I missed out on social events with friends and family and still do. I struggle being on my own outside my home, letting workmen and people come into my home, going to areas and places I might be near or around the perpetrators,” another respondent said. LGBT HERO have a more detailed factsheet around the mental health impacts of sexual assault, specifically around PTSD, flashbacks and depression, where you can find information, advice and support services. TALKING AND REPORTING We asked questions in the survey about whether you’ve shared your experiences of sexual assault with anyone. While 74% of you have spoken about your experiences, only 19% reported the incidences to the police, with 65% talking to friends. WE ASKED: Did you tell anyone what happened? Yes – 74% No – 26% Who did you tell? (select all that apply) I reported it to the police – 19% I called a helpline – 11% I spoke to a support group – 5% I spoke to an online support group – 3% I told a therapist/counsellor – 33% I told a family member – 29% I told a friend/friends – 65% I told my partner – 27% I told my housemate/flatmate – 9% I told someone online/social media – 11% I told a colleague – 6% I told a manager/superior at work – 6% I told someone in authority – 6% I told a teacher/lecturer/someone at my place of education – 7% I told a wellbeing officer – 4% Other – 9% One respondent told us why they decided to talk to people about their experience: “I didn’t initially want to, or think that I should, because I didn’t realise that I was experiencing assault. I also didn’t want to tell a manager but I found it was affecting me at work. My therapist unpacked that what I experienced was assault and I think I wanted to share this with people to feel cared for and make people aware of where I might be at on a particular day if they were interacting with me and thought my behaviour was not quite what they might expect from me.” “I told a counsellor because I had to talk to someone to figure out what happened. The perpetrator lied and blamed me and I was questioning whether it could be my fault for not saying ‘no’ clearly enough. He really tried to distort everything, and I lost a lot of support, including my partner, so having someone to affirm what actually happened helped me to hold on to reality and honestly helped to survive,” another respondent said. “I told a close friend about the incident because we were in the same LGBTQ+ society and I wanted to explain why I’d just dropped off the face of the earth all of a sudden,” someone else divulged. WE ASKED: Do you know how to report a sexual assault? Yes – 66% No – 14% I'm not sure – 20% What support services have you found helpful? (select all that apply) Talking therapy – 30% Counselling – 30% In-person support group – 6% Online support group – 5% Helpline – 6% Online support service – 3% GP/doctor – 7% Mental health services – 12% Police – 4% Peer support – 26% Online forums – 7% Charity – 8% Other – 8% “I have used my local GP, mental health nurse at the GP and a local charity called EKRCC - East Kent Rape Crisis Centre, who help trauma survivors like me. I tried to turn to NHS therapy but there wasn’t the option,” said one respondent. “I’ve used multiple incl private therapy talk therapy and CBT, therapy through the NHS, EMDR therapy. I was referred to the listening place, which is specifically for those with suicidal ideation. I also used Galop to report one of the sexual assaults that happened at a queer bar/club,” said another. 39% of you told us that you have never used a support service. WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO? We asked you what you think we need to do as a community to improve education around consent and sexual assault and how LGBTQ+ venues can keep us safer. WE ASKED: What can venues do to better address issues of consent? (select all that apply) Signs/advertising reminding people of appropriate behaviour – 66% Signs/advertising signposting to help and support – 65% Easier reporting to members of staff – 70% Trained members of staff around issues of consent – 75% Safety areas to go to in venue – 63% Make perpetrators leave the venue – 80% Ban repeat offenders – 83% Other -10% “If it was in a venue I’d hope that they would take this sort of situation seriously and take action in support of me,” said one respondent. “I would want to talk to someone for backup and moral support, but fear a venue may not take it seriously,” said another. We asked you what we need to do as a community to keep us safer and improve education around these issues. “People need to be educated on what rape actually is as some don’t seem to know. Like stealthing and saying no and other ways of withdrawing consent. There seems to be an excuse that if you like someone or they were ‘in the moment’ that makes it ok when it doesn’t. Perpetrators are also aware what could get them convicted and act in ways to stop someone proving what happened, such as coercion, stalling the victim long enough to destroy evidence or have the window of being tested close,” one person said. “I think when it comes to men, which is all I can personally speak to, we probably need to do more to make it obvious that men can also be victims of assault, particularly in 'grey areas',” said another. A respondent told us: “Potentially pamphlets handed out at Pride about consent and more empowerment for queer people not to feel pressured to oblige any sexual advances just because the dating pool is smaller than for straight people.” “I think we should be taught resources and options for support alongside sexual health info. Because unfortunately it still happens and, besides the police, I didn’t know where to turn. It was only when I had a mental health assessment and I was asked that I disclosed it,” an anonymous respondent said. FURTHER HELP AND SUPPORT If you need any further help and support about any of the issues raised in this article: Switchboard is an LGBTQ+ helpline where you can talk to someone and find support: 0300 330 0630 Galop, the LGBTQ+ anti-abuse charity has a helpline, email and web chat. Helpline: 0800 999 5428, Webchat: www.galop.org.uk, Email: [email protected] Rape Crisis England & Wales has a 24/7 helpline. You can call the Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line on 0808 500 2222. You can also chat to them online at 247sexualabusesupport.org.uk. Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) have doctors, nurses and support workers that are trained to offer medical and emotional support for people who have been sexually assaulted, raped or abused. You can find your local centre and book an appointment here: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/sexual-health-services/find-a-rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centre/ For a full list of help and support services visit our Directory. Manage Cookie Preferences