Trigger Warning: This article discusses sexual abuse, assault and consent, including real and sometimes detailed survivor stories. Some content may be triggering. If you need immediate support, click here.

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By Ian Howley, Chief Executive, LGBT HERO. Socials: @ianhowley 

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Who took part in the survey? | The LGBTQ+ experience of sexual assault | The sad truth of the trans+ experience | Consent in LGBTQ+ venues: we have a problem | The impact of trauma | What needs to change? | The tip of the iceberg | Where do we go from here? | LGBT HERO's commitment to change | What next?

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Sexual abuse, violence and consent is not an easy subject to talk about, but the reality is we need to talk about it.

As the CEO of LGBT HERO, I have seen firsthand the issues that impact our community. Sexual abuse, violence and consent is one of the issues that goes under the radar. For too long it has been overlooked, dismissed, or simply ignored, but the reality is undeniable: too many LGBTQ+ people are experiencing this, and often within spaces that should be safe for us.

We ran a survey asking LGBTQ+ people about their experiences, and the results were hard to read. Over 600 people shared their stories and what I read was horrific. Truly and utterly horrific. Let’s start here:

Of the 76% who said they experienced sexual assault, violence or abuse;

• 41% reported penetrative assault; 37% reported rape
• A staggering 80% have been groped or touched without consent
• And 68% had their sexual boundaries ignored.

I know it’s hard to read. These conversations can make some people uncomfortable, but staying silent allows this problem to continue and it’s our responsibility, as a community, to challenge these behaviours, support survivors, and ensure that LGBTQ+ spaces are truly safe. If we do nothing, we allow harm to continue in the very places meant to uplift and protect us.

I really want this article to be about solutions. It’s about listening to survivors, accountability, and coming together to try and create real, lasting change. Let’s take the difficult but necessary steps to protect our community. Because until we do, we are failing those who need us most. 

Who took part in the survey?

Before we dive into the details, let’s get to know who we heard from. 

• Age: 37% were under 25, 28% were 25-34, and 35% were over 35.
• Gender: 54% identified as men (including trans men), 18% as women (including trans women), and 19% as non-binary.  
• Sexuality: 40% identified as gay, 18% as bisexual, 15% as queer, and the rest were lesbian, asexual, pansexual, or questioning.
• Location: 22% were based in London, with the rest spread across the UK.

The LGBTQ+ experience of sexual assault

FACT: Sexual assault doesn’t just happen in the shadows. It happens in our bars, in our clubs, at Pride events, on dating apps, and even within LGBTQ+ relationships. Too often, survivors are left feeling like they have nowhere to turn. This survey makes one thing clear: we need to stop pretending this isn’t happening.

We can’t ignore this:

• 74% of survivors told someone about their assault—but only 19% reported it to the police
• 44% were assaulted by a stranger, but 31% said their perpetrator was a friend
• 25% were assaulted at school, college, or university
• More than 1 in 5 were assaulted in an LGBTQ+ club or bar
• Online abuse is rampant, with 34% experiencing digital sexual assault - this as a completely different issue we didn’t even thing about. 

This is happening in places where we should feel safe. And worse, many survivors don’t feel like they can come forward because they don’t want to ‘make a fuss’ or be criticised by their own community. That must change. No one should feel unsafe in LGBTQ+ spaces, and no one should be afraid to speak out.

For many, these experiences have left lasting trauma. LGBTQ+ people have shared heartbreaking accounts of being violated by people they trusted, manipulated into unwanted situations, or assaulted in spaces that were meant to be safe.

One person told us: “I was at a gay club, having fun with friends, when a stranger grabbed me from behind and shoved his hand down my trousers. When I spun around to confront him, he just smirked and walked away. Security didn’t care. My friends told me to brush it off. But I felt disgusting. I still do.”

Another shared: “I went home with a guy I met on a dating app. We agreed to hook up, but I told him I wasn’t comfortable with certain things. He ignored that completely. I froze, and by the time I could react, it was too late. I blamed myself for not fighting harder. I still do.”

One person recounted an experience that highlights how even supposed “friends” can be perpetrators: “I was at a house party with people I trusted. I got too drunk. One of my friends offered to let me sleep in his bed so I wouldn’t have to go home alone. I woke up to him on top of me, touching me. I was too out of it to stop him. The next morning, he acted like nothing had happened.”

Another wrote: “The LGBTQ+ community preaches about safety and consent, but when I told my gay friends I was assaulted, they laughed and said, ‘That’s just how it is.’”

One more said: “I used to go to Kink events because it was my way of getting comfortable with sex again, and I got felt up many times without anybody asking my consent. Now that I look back, I feel violated. The staff didn’t care because they just accepted it as ‘gay behaviour.’ It’s really unacceptable.”

These are not isolated incidents. I know these conversations are uncomfortable, but we must have them. We have to stand up for each other and call out unacceptable behaviour — whether it’s from strangers, friends, or even people we admire in our community.

The sad truth of the trans+ experience

If you’re trans or non-binary (trans+), the risks of sexual abuse, violence and consent issues are even greater. Trans+ people are disproportionately targeted for sexual abuse and assault (which is an understatement), and the rates are alarmingly high. Whether it’s in public spaces, on dates, in relationships, or within the wider LGBTQ+ community, trans+ people face an increased level of danger simply for existing as their authentic selves.

Here’s what the stats say:

• 81% of trans respondents had been groped or touched without consent.
• 59% experienced sexual harassment.
• 75% had their sexual boundaries ignored.

How can anyone look at those stats and be OK? I can’t.

Trans+ deserve safety, respect, and dignity in every space, just like anyone else.

The stories we’re about to share encapsulate just a small glimpse into what some trans+ people are forced to endure:

One trans+ person told us: “I was walking home from a night out when a group of men started shouting at me, calling me slurs. One of them grabbed me and forced his hand up my skirt. I screamed, but they just laughed and walked off. I didn’t report it because I knew no one would take me seriously.”

Another shared: “I was in an LGBTQ+ bar when someone kept touching my chest and insisting I ‘must be a girl underneath.’ I told them to stop, but they wouldn’t listen. No one around me stepped in. Eventually, I had to leave the bar to feel safe. The worst part? I see that same person in queer spaces all the time.”

A trans man described an experience on a date: “I matched with a guy on a dating app, and he seemed nice at first. But when we met up, he kept making comments about my body and asking invasive questions about my genitals. When I said I wasn’t comfortable talking about it, he got aggressive and said I was ‘leading him on.’ I left as fast as I could, but I felt sick for days after.”

These are not isolated incidents. They are the everyday experiences of too many trans+ people, and they show that our community still has a long way to go in protecting its most vulnerable members.

We need better education on consent and boundaries, we need bystander intervention in queer spaces, and we need a fundamental shift in how we talk about gender and respect.

Every trans+ person deserves to feel safe — full stop. If we truly want to create a community where everyone is protected, we need to take these stories seriously and push for real change.

Consent in LGBTQ+ venues: we have a problem

LGBTQ+ spaces should be sanctuaries. Places where we can be ourselves, and connect with our community, but the reality is that sexual assault and harassment are happening in the very spaces where we should feel safe.

I find these numbers unacceptable:

• 61% of LGBTQ+ people have been touched sexually or intimately without consent in a social setting
• 21% have been sexually assaulted in an LGBTQ+ venue
• Even in saunas and sex clubs, people report being violated despite clear rules about consent.

There is a dangerous mentality in some LGBTQ+ spaces that blurs the lines of consent. Too often, people assume that just because we’re in a club, a bar or a sex-positive space, touching without permission is acceptable. It’s not. Consent is not implied by simply being present in these spaces. We must challenge this culture.

Survivors have shared their horrifying experiences of being violated in spaces that were supposed to be safe:

One respondent told us: “I was mildly drunk and was dancing with some people, one of them then pulled me closer with their arm around my waist and ended up kissing me. I was too drunk to realise what was going on and felt absolutely awful and dirty in the morning.”

Another shared: “I was at a Pride afterparty when someone I barely knew kept touching my waist and pulling me closer, even after I told them to stop. I eventually had to leave because they wouldn’t take no for an answer. My friends told me to ‘lighten up’ and that it was ‘just flirting.’ But it wasn’t. It was harassment.”

A different respondent described an incident in a sauna: “I was in a sex-positive venue where the rules were supposed to be clear: ask before touching. But someone grabbed me without permission, and when I told them to stop, they laughed in my face. The staff did nothing, and I felt completely powerless.”

In another situation, one respondent shared: “A friend came on to me when I had already told him that I had a boyfriend whilst I was so drunk I could barely hold myself up. He forcefully kissed me, grabbed my ass, and tried to take off my shirt, as well as holding me so tightly I couldn't breathe and forcefully giving me a hickey.”

And we got countless responses from people simply saying they were touched without consent:

“I’ve been touched without my permission so many times at clubs/bars and I’ve been kissed without consent a few times at clubs/bars.” 

“Crotch grabbing by a stranger on the stairs whilst I was carrying drinks. Made me uncomfortable.” 

“I was groped and had my private parts touched without my consent, even when I tried to leave the area or go and find people, I was followed.” 

“Had my genitals groped by a straight man who was part of a group of men. I was taken by surprise and so confused and shocked I didn't know how to respond. I later felt angry at not confronting him or speaking to the door staff.”

These stories highlight a disturbing trend: the normalisation of sexual misconduct in spaces that should be protecting us.

LGBTQ+ venues have a responsibility to create and enforce clear, zero-tolerance policies on consent. Survivors are often brushed aside or made to feel like they’re overreacting. We need bouncers who intervene, designated safety areas, and staff trained to handle these incidents properly. No one should feel unsafe in a space that is supposed to be theirs. Many venues already do this, but we need to do better as a community.

We need to make it clear that LGBTQ+ spaces must be truly safe for everyone. If we want a community that genuinely supports and protects one another, we must demand better.

The impact of trauma

Survivors often carry the weight of what happened and can struggle with mental health issues, difficulties in relationships, and a deep sense of isolation.

• 85% of survivors said it negatively impacted their mental health
• 78% said it affected their sex life
• 72% said it impacted their relationships
• 60% said it changed their social life.

Sexual assault is not just something that happens and then disappears, it stays with you. It disrupts your sense of safety, your ability to trust, and your relationship with your own body. It’s heartbreaking how many LGBTQ+ survivors blame themselves, struggle in silence, or feel like they have nowhere to turn.

Survivors shared their experiences:

One respondent shared: “I was sexually assaulted at a party by someone I considered a friend. I didn’t tell anyone for months because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. When I finally opened up, people acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. I stopped going out, stopped dating, and started having panic attacks anytime someone touched me unexpectedly.”

Another survivor described how their trauma affected their ability to be intimate: “Before the assault, I loved sex. Now, I flinch whenever a partner tries to touch me. I want to enjoy intimacy again, but my body just shuts down. The worst part is feeling broken, like I’ll never be able to feel safe in my own skin again.”

For some, the trauma even led to financial instability and social isolation: “I had to quit my job because I couldn’t cope with being around people. Every day felt like a battle just to get out of bed. I lost friendships because I withdrew from everything. It was like the person I used to be just disappeared.”

These are not isolated cases. This is the reality for too many LGBTQ+ survivors. The mental health toll of sexual assault cannot be overstated. It’s not just about ‘moving on’ or ‘getting over it’, it’s about survivors having access to real support. We need more resources, more safe spaces, and more community support that acknowledges this pain and works to heal it. As a community, we need to do better, not just in preventing sexual assault, but in ensuring survivors have the support, resources, and compassion they need.

What needs to change?

Sexual assault is not just an issue of individual perpetrators, it’s a systemic problem. Survivors are often met with disbelief, indifference, or even outright victim-blaming. If we truly care about the safety and well-being of LGBTQ+ people, we need to confront this issue head-on.

We asked you: What can we do to make our spaces safer?

Here’s what you said:

• 83% want repeat offenders banned from venues
• 80% want perpetrators kicked out immediately
• 75% want trained staff on consent and boundaries
• 66% want clear signs about appropriate behaviour.

The fact that so many people believe LGBTQ+ spaces need better protections against sexual violence should be a wake-up call. This isn’t just a ‘bad night out’ issue — this is a major problem. We must create a culture where consent is respected, where survivors feel safe speaking out, and where perpetrators face real consequences for their actions.

Our community was built on the fight for our rights and demanding better treatment. That fight doesn’t stop when the issue is within our own spaces. We must be willing to hold ourselves accountable, to demand better from our venues, and to make it clear that LGBTQ+ spaces should be safe for everyone.

We need to stop being passive and start taking real action. That means changing how we talk about consent, how we handle reports of assault, and how we support survivors. If we truly want a safer, stronger LGBTQ+ community, we must face this problem head-on together.

The tip of the iceberg

As I worked through the hundreds of accounts shared with us, one thing became painfully clear: what we’re presenting in this article is only the beginning.

I want to say that this article is not the end of our journey in tackling sexual assault in the LGBTQ+ community. If we are going to change our spaces, our culture, and our understanding of consent, we need to start at the foundations. Jumping straight into the deepest, most traumatic conversations without preparation would risk shutting people down before they are even ready to engage.

We know that articles like this can be triggering. We know that for many survivors, even reading about this issue is painful. That’s why we are taking a measured approach, one that acknowledges the scale of the problem while ensuring that we take the community with us on this journey, rather than leaving people behind.

This will not be the last time we talk about sexual abuse, assault, consent, and accountability in LGBTQ+ spaces. We are committed to keeping this conversation going, ensuring survivors are heard, and making real change happen.

Where do we go from here?

Sexual assault in the LGBTQ+ community is real. It’s widespread. And it’s not going away unless we do something about it. This is not just a discussion it’s a call to action. Here’s what I think we need to do:

1. Start conversations about consent

Consent isn’t just about saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ — it’s about creating a culture where people respect each other’s boundaries without question. Too often, we assume that because we’re all part of the same community, we don’t need to talk about it. But that assumption is dangerous, and it’s time to break the silence.

For too long, consent has been a murky area in LGBTQ+ spaces. We need to be clear: consent must be explicit, enthusiastic, and ongoing. If we don’t talk about it, we allow dangerous behaviours to continue unchecked.

2. Call out inappropriate behaviour

When someone crosses a line — whether it’s a crude comment, an unwanted touch, or worse — it’s on all of us to speak up. Silence enables perpetrators. By standing up for each other, we create safer spaces.

The days of brushing off inappropriate behaviour as ‘just how things are’ need to end. Every time we ignore an incident, we send the message that it’s acceptable. It’s not. We need to challenge this culture head-on.

3. Push LGBTQ+ venues to take real action

Too many people have been assaulted in the very spaces that should be protecting us. LGBTQ+ bars, clubs, and events need to do better. That means visible consent campaigns, trained staff, and real consequences for perpetrators.

We need security who intervene, safe spaces for those in distress, and zero tolerance for harassment.

4. Support survivors and make sure they’re heard

Survivors of sexual assault often feel alone, ashamed, or like no one will believe them. We need to listen, believe, and support them in whatever way they need — whether that’s reporting to the police, accessing therapy, or just having someone to talk to.

Too many survivors stay silent because they don’t think anyone will care. We need to change that. If someone shares their story with you, listen to them. Believe them. Support them. This is how we break the cycle.

LGBT HERO’s commitment to change

As CEO of LGBT HERO, I can tell you we are committed to tackling the hard issues in our community, even when they make people uncomfortable. We believe that safety, respect, and consent should be at the core of LGBTQ+ spaces, and we are willing to take the necessary steps to make that a reality.

We know that change isn’t just about raising awareness, it’s about action. That’s why we’re ready to work with LGBTQ+ venues, organisations, and community groups to create safer, more welcoming spaces for everyone. Our experience running the Lambeth Allies Programme has shown us that real change is possible when we come together to educate, train, and empower people to challenge unacceptable behaviour.

If you run or work for an LGBTQ+ venue and want to be part of the solution, we want to hear from you. Contact us at [email protected] to learn how we can work together to create safer spaces for everyone.

This isn’t just about stats — it’s about real people, real trauma, and real change. LGBT HERO is ready to lead the way, but we need the entire community to stand with us.

Let’s create a happier, healthier community together.

What Next:

What YOU can do. 

Creating real change starts with each of us taking action. You have the power to help make LGBTQ+ spaces safer and more inclusive. Here are five things you can do today to make a difference:

1. Hold LGBTQ+ spaces accountable

Ask your local LGBTQ+ bar, club, or event organisers what their policies are on consent and harassment. Push for better training, visible safety measures, and zero tolerance for abuse. If a space isn’t taking these issues seriously, reconsider whether it’s a place worth supporting.

2. Sign Up to Our Newsletter and Get Involved

Stay informed about the work LGBT HERO is doing to challenge sexual violence in our community. Join us in pushing for change by signing up for our newsletter, attending events, and getting involved in our campaigns.

3. Donate to LGBT HERO

Our work depends on community support. Every donation helps us provide resources, training, and advocacy to ensure LGBTQ+ people are safe and supported. If you believe in this work, consider making a donation today.