Body confidence | Trans+ Sexual Wellbeing

Body confidence can feel especially complicated when your gender identity and body don’t always feel aligned. These feelings are more common than many people realise. 

Feeling comfortable in your body can play a big role in how safe, confident and relaxed you feel during intimacy. 

To talk about body confidence, we first have to talk about body image. For trans people, body image can be deeply linked to gender identity. Body image is how we see our appearance and our bodies, but it can also include how we feel about gendered features, how others see us, and how closely our bodies match with how we feel about ourselves. 

Body confidence and body image have always been an issue for the LGBTQ+ community, and for trans people this issue can run even deeper. Gender dysphoria, social expectations, beauty standards, access to gender-affirming care, and experiences of misgendering can all shape how we feel when we look in the mirror.  

What you think about your chest, genitals, facial hair, voice, height, build, scars, weight, or the effects of hormones are all connected to your body image. All of this can impact the confidence you have in your body. If you have a negative view of your body, this can impact your mental health and your sexual wellbeing. 

What is gender dysphoria? 

Gender dysphoria is a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life, including sexual health and mental health. 

Body confidence and sex 

If you don’t feel good about your body, or you’re experiencing dysphoria or insecurity about how you look, it can impact your sex life in different ways: 

• You might feel shame or feel uncomfortable about certain body parts 

• You might feel anxious about being naked 

• You might avoid sex altogether because it triggers dysphoria 

• You might seek out sex more often as a way to validate and affirm your gender 

• You might seek out more sex to feel more desirable. 

A happy, healthy sex life is important, and it’s possible to have that at every stage of transition or without medical transition at all. Just because you might struggle with a part of your body, it doesn’t mean someone else won’t find you attractive and desirable. You deserve to feel desired and comfortable in your own skin.

If you feel your sex life is suffering, here’s what you can do: 

• Find one thing you like about your body. It might be your hands, your shoulders, your smile, your tattoos, your skin after starting hormones… anything that makes you feel confident or affirmed can help you take that first step into reigniting or improving your sex life 

• Talk to your partners if you can. Whether it’s a long-term partner, someone you’re dating, or a casual hook-up, explaining your boundaries or dysphoria triggers can help. Let them know what language to use for your body, where you do or don’t like being touched, and what makes you feel affirmed. They could reassure you, they could empathise, and it could enable you to relax and enjoy your sex life.  

• Only do what feels comfortable and affirming. If you prefer to keep certain clothes on, avoid specific acts, use different terminology, or have sex in ways that reduces dysphoria, that’s OK. Your comfort matters. Never let anyone pressure you into doing something that makes you feel unsafe or distressed. 

If you’re seeking sex as a way to validate yourself or having sex you don’t really want because your self-worth feels low,  there are also steps you can take: 

• Try and reevaluate your relationship with sex. Are you having sex because you genuinely enjoy it? Or because it temporarily relieves dysphoria, offsets low body confidence or gives you affirmation? There’s no shame in wanting these things,  asking yourself these questions can help you readjust your outlook on sex and your own body. 

• Don’t have sex you don’t enjoy. If your self-esteem is low, you might feel like you have to accept the kind of sex others want or tolerate language or behaviours that make you uncomfortable. You don’t. Your desires, boundaries, and identity are valid. If someone wants to have sex with you, you are already desirable… you don’t need to prove it. 

• Look after your sexual health. If you are having more sex, the risk of STIs can increase. Regular testing is important, including HIV testing every six months and STI testing every 3–6 months, depending on the type and frequency of sex you’re having. You can also protect your sexual health by using condoms (internal or external), the right lube for your body, considering HIV prevention medication like PrEP, STI prevention like DoxyPEP, and having open conversations about sexual health with partners. If you’re on hormones or have had surgery, you can also ask sexual health clinics and your doctors how this might affect your sexual health needs. 

Body confidence and your mental health 

Low body confidence and gender dysphoria can have an impact on your wellbeing. They can increase anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. You might feel like no one understands your relationship with your body, especially if you’re navigating transitioning or questioning your gender. 

There are things you can do to help: 

• Talk. It sounds simple but sharing your insecurities with your friends or family if you feel comfortable doing so, really does help. You aren’t alone when it comes to your body image. So many of us suffer from poor body confidence in differing degrees but we often don’t say it out loud. Having an empathetic ear can really help you work through your issues and improve your body confidence.  

• Use peer support. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to people in your life, anonymous spaces like the LGBT HERO Forums can connect you with others who have similar lived experiences. Peer support from other trans people can be especially affirming, with groups like LGBT HERO’s Trans+ HangOuts and Trans+ Sexual Wellbeing workshops. 

• Change how you use social media. Unfortunately, much of what we see on social media such as Instagram and X can have a negative impact on our body image. Unrealistic representations of body types put a lot of pressure on us and the narrative around trans bodies and lives can seriously impact our mental health. Take steps to reduce the time on social media or unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Self-care is important when it comes to engaging with social media.   

• Surround yourself with people who make you feel confident and comfortable. Being around people who respect your pronouns, validate your identity, and celebrate diverse bodies can counteract both internalised and external criticism. 

• Exercise – but not for the reason you think. Exercise isn’t about changing your body to fit a standard. It’s about improving your mood and reconnecting with yourself. A short walk, stretching, dancing in your room, or playing a sport you enjoy can positively affect your mental health and confidence. 

• Use gender-affirming garments. Chest binders, packers, and specialised underwear can give a non-permanent way to alter body shape, increasing comfort, confidence, and feelings of safety for trans people. 

• Consider therapy. If body image concerns, dysphoria, disordered eating, or thoughts of self-harm feel overwhelming, speaking to a counsellor or therapist can help. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can support you in challenging negative thought patterns. Seeking gender-affirming therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your relationship with your body. 

It’s okay to take things at your own pace and make choices that feel right for you. 

Further help and support 

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